Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Goodbye to a Beloved Car RIP BESSY 2
I have suffered a truly devestating loss today. Bessy 2 has died. For those of you who don't know Bessy 2 is my car. Yes, I totalled my car today. I am sad. Bessy 2 was the first car I ever bought and paid for myself. My first true car. Sigh. Actually my first car was a 1990 Nissan Stanza hand me down from my sister but I always hated it. That was Bessy 1 and she was more trouble then she was worth. Bessy 2 was a 2000 Silver Saturn SL2 which I bought at the beginning of 2004 for $7500. She was a great bargain as she only had 29,000 miles on her. Here in the South where people regularly put 20-30 thousand miles on their cars every year Bessy 2 was an amazing find. I promptly put another 35000 miles on her, but Bessy 2 stood it well. She rarely complained and always chugged along even when she needed to go to the shop. She never left me stranded on the side of the road (unlike tratorious Bessy 1 who had to be pushed off the road in the end), and always got excellent gas milage no matter how bad she needed a tune up. She died an honorable death at 9:30 am, valiantly saving me from certain death at the expense of herself. She died in a one car accident in which I swerved her off the highway, crosses the grassy medium, crossed the opposite side of the highway, plowed through incoming traffic and slammed into the trees on the far side of the road. In the end that steering I kept meaning to get checked out was the death of her. She completely lost it and I completely lost control of her. By the time she slammed into the giant tree head on, she was fully turned around so it looked like she had original been on that side of the higway. Thankfully both of Bessy 2's airbags deployed keeping me safely inside the car as opposed to splattered on a tree trunk. Not to say anything bad about the trees as they saved me from dropping into the twenty foot decline beyond them. In any case I shall miss Bessy 2. We wish her well in car heavan. Now as I say goodbye to Bessy 2 I send out pictures of her last stand so we can all marvel at how she (with a great deal of help from God) saved me from what I freely admit was, shall we say "questionable" driving skills.
Wednesday, August 24, 2005
A World Gone Mad
I never update this blog. I have all these ideas that jumble in my head but since I am no longer allowed on the net at work I never get them down. I am actually sort of happy cause it means no one actually reads it anymore. Even Reese has given up on me being a blogger. On the plus side I can rant and rave to my hearts content.
On the off chance someone does read this just skip the next paragraph. I have to do something other then scream at the walls.
WHY!!!!!!!!
WHY GOD!!!!!!!!!
WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How could you do this to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How could you do this to him!!!!!!!!!! To his family and his friends and his mom and his brother. I know he didn't have much faith in you but we did. I did!!! God sometimes I wonder if you know what the fuck you are doing.
He was only twenty eight!!!!!!! 28!! One year older then me!!! It's not like he wasn't doing something with his life!! Good job, educated. Hell he made more money then me and I'm a lawyer. And where the FUCK are the police. No calls no interviews nothing on the news. No one to figure out who could have done this. A man is shot DEAD on the southside and not even a blip on the radar. Don't any of these people care? Do they think he was just another gangster gunned down in the hood. Why could you have not taken one of those hopeless brothers on the corner, why did it have to be him? Walking down the same street he's walked down for 28 years. The same street I walked down with him a thousand times. Since the seventh grade God. What will I do without him. Are you even listening to me. Do you know what you've done? Did you think about that when you let him die on the operating table. I have known him my whole life. At least the life I can remember. I can't imagine my future without him. What will I do. How will I live. Why am I ranting and raving to a keyboard as if you are listening. It's very clear to me that today you are not.
Ok I am calm again. No more crying on the keyboard. I have listened to R. Kelly's song I wish about 4 times and I feel a bit better. God I know this isn't your fault. I know your sad too. I just feel so helpless right now. I spent the whole day trying to convince mysef it wasn't true and coming off my morning denial has been hard. Plus I am home alone now looking at these four walls. Trying to remember the sound of his voice. I don't handle crisis well. I have never had too. Harold always handled everything a lot better then me. He would have been the first person I called with bad news. When I got dumped last week he was the one who took me out and cheered me up. He was always the one to say tomorrow would be better. It's hard to believe it when he is not hear to say it. And it hurts so much that I have so many regrets. I took so much for granted. I never worried about being alone in the future because I always knew he would be there. I found out today that he worried about ME being there. There were things about himself that he was afraid to tell me. Things I always knew. Things I never brought up because I was waiting for him. I knew I needed to talk to him. I even knew what I needed to say. But I put it off not because I was afraid but because I thought there was plenty of time to wait until he was ready. I wish I would have said it. I wish when we sat down to lunch in that mexican resteraunt I had given him my speech. A speech I have had ready for years. "Harold you know I love you. And you know I always will. There is nothing NOTHING you could ever say that will ever change that. Nothing you do or nothing you are that will ever make you anything less then my very best and oldest friend." I hate it. I just can't stand it. The fact that he died not knowing that. The fact that he died with even the smallest glimmer of doubt in his head that there was some part of him that I couldn't except. All the time me and his mother spent waiting for him to come to us. So sure that he knew how we felt. And to find out that he was afraid. Afraid to be rejected. Right now I hate this country and everyone in it that made a world were harold had to die keeping secrets from me. Kris says that he loves me and he just wasn't willing to take the chance. That's the worse thing. To lose him so suddenly is bad enough. But to lose him knowing that he didn't know how much I loved him is just unbearable. I wish I had spoken up but every time I always thought, I have more time. It was always going to be the next time and the next time. I have learned a hard lesson today. Leave nothing unsaid. I always knew that of course. but I never really lived it. I know my friends are going to be sick to death of me over the next few weeks. I have so much to say to all of them. I am not lovey dovey. I am not an emotional chick. I never have been and I probably never will be. I guess that why Harold and I got on so well. We were both pretty stoic. But I think I will unbend a little and tell a few friends how much they mean to me. Of course I only had one childhood friend. Only one very best friend and it's too late for me to tell him. All I can do now for him wish it hadn't taken his death for me to realize this and not take the people I have left for granted. Besides I can hear Harold saying "Cheer up Kid. Tomorrow is another day after all and it will be better.
On the off chance someone does read this just skip the next paragraph. I have to do something other then scream at the walls.
WHY!!!!!!!!
WHY GOD!!!!!!!!!
WHY!!!!!!!!!!!!
How could you do this to me!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
How could you do this to him!!!!!!!!!! To his family and his friends and his mom and his brother. I know he didn't have much faith in you but we did. I did!!! God sometimes I wonder if you know what the fuck you are doing.
He was only twenty eight!!!!!!! 28!! One year older then me!!! It's not like he wasn't doing something with his life!! Good job, educated. Hell he made more money then me and I'm a lawyer. And where the FUCK are the police. No calls no interviews nothing on the news. No one to figure out who could have done this. A man is shot DEAD on the southside and not even a blip on the radar. Don't any of these people care? Do they think he was just another gangster gunned down in the hood. Why could you have not taken one of those hopeless brothers on the corner, why did it have to be him? Walking down the same street he's walked down for 28 years. The same street I walked down with him a thousand times. Since the seventh grade God. What will I do without him. Are you even listening to me. Do you know what you've done? Did you think about that when you let him die on the operating table. I have known him my whole life. At least the life I can remember. I can't imagine my future without him. What will I do. How will I live. Why am I ranting and raving to a keyboard as if you are listening. It's very clear to me that today you are not.
Ok I am calm again. No more crying on the keyboard. I have listened to R. Kelly's song I wish about 4 times and I feel a bit better. God I know this isn't your fault. I know your sad too. I just feel so helpless right now. I spent the whole day trying to convince mysef it wasn't true and coming off my morning denial has been hard. Plus I am home alone now looking at these four walls. Trying to remember the sound of his voice. I don't handle crisis well. I have never had too. Harold always handled everything a lot better then me. He would have been the first person I called with bad news. When I got dumped last week he was the one who took me out and cheered me up. He was always the one to say tomorrow would be better. It's hard to believe it when he is not hear to say it. And it hurts so much that I have so many regrets. I took so much for granted. I never worried about being alone in the future because I always knew he would be there. I found out today that he worried about ME being there. There were things about himself that he was afraid to tell me. Things I always knew. Things I never brought up because I was waiting for him. I knew I needed to talk to him. I even knew what I needed to say. But I put it off not because I was afraid but because I thought there was plenty of time to wait until he was ready. I wish I would have said it. I wish when we sat down to lunch in that mexican resteraunt I had given him my speech. A speech I have had ready for years. "Harold you know I love you. And you know I always will. There is nothing NOTHING you could ever say that will ever change that. Nothing you do or nothing you are that will ever make you anything less then my very best and oldest friend." I hate it. I just can't stand it. The fact that he died not knowing that. The fact that he died with even the smallest glimmer of doubt in his head that there was some part of him that I couldn't except. All the time me and his mother spent waiting for him to come to us. So sure that he knew how we felt. And to find out that he was afraid. Afraid to be rejected. Right now I hate this country and everyone in it that made a world were harold had to die keeping secrets from me. Kris says that he loves me and he just wasn't willing to take the chance. That's the worse thing. To lose him so suddenly is bad enough. But to lose him knowing that he didn't know how much I loved him is just unbearable. I wish I had spoken up but every time I always thought, I have more time. It was always going to be the next time and the next time. I have learned a hard lesson today. Leave nothing unsaid. I always knew that of course. but I never really lived it. I know my friends are going to be sick to death of me over the next few weeks. I have so much to say to all of them. I am not lovey dovey. I am not an emotional chick. I never have been and I probably never will be. I guess that why Harold and I got on so well. We were both pretty stoic. But I think I will unbend a little and tell a few friends how much they mean to me. Of course I only had one childhood friend. Only one very best friend and it's too late for me to tell him. All I can do now for him wish it hadn't taken his death for me to realize this and not take the people I have left for granted. Besides I can hear Harold saying "Cheer up Kid. Tomorrow is another day after all and it will be better.
Friday, July 08, 2005
Confessions of a Twenty-Something Procrastinator
OK OK
SO Obviously I am not a frequent blog updater. I'm sorry, but I just can't help it. There are only so many hours in a day and I have a lot of anime to watch.
Just kidding. The thing about my life is that things run in cycles. I have the sort of job where I will be chilling for weeks bored out of my mind and then BAMM!! I'll spend weeks frantically looking for witnesses and reviewing case law. Normally I like the busy time more then the slow time (I know I'm crazy) and I have just been on a bit of a busy.
Now however I am about to enter a trial week which is oddly enough is a slow time. See trial preparation takes A LOT more time then the actual trial. Especially here in the South. We are known down here for the speed of which we convict people. Plus there is the classic law that if you prepare for a trial the Defendant will plead out at the last minute. So odds are I will be doing very little next week and will be able to update my blog accordingly. I know all of you are avidly awaiting my next genious entry. All 2-3 of you who still occasionally visit this blog can now rest easy. I am not dead. Updates will soon be forth coming.
See ya soon!!!
SO Obviously I am not a frequent blog updater. I'm sorry, but I just can't help it. There are only so many hours in a day and I have a lot of anime to watch.
Just kidding. The thing about my life is that things run in cycles. I have the sort of job where I will be chilling for weeks bored out of my mind and then BAMM!! I'll spend weeks frantically looking for witnesses and reviewing case law. Normally I like the busy time more then the slow time (I know I'm crazy) and I have just been on a bit of a busy.
Now however I am about to enter a trial week which is oddly enough is a slow time. See trial preparation takes A LOT more time then the actual trial. Especially here in the South. We are known down here for the speed of which we convict people. Plus there is the classic law that if you prepare for a trial the Defendant will plead out at the last minute. So odds are I will be doing very little next week and will be able to update my blog accordingly. I know all of you are avidly awaiting my next genious entry. All 2-3 of you who still occasionally visit this blog can now rest easy. I am not dead. Updates will soon be forth coming.
See ya soon!!!
Tuesday, May 31, 2005
To POST or NOT to POST
I have received some (ok 1 but whose counting) comments on this blog asking me to post about my relationship or lack there of. For those who don't know Reese the Law Girl at one time had a fascinating serious all about me and "Mike" as we started dating. For reasons known only to her she called it welcome to a dysfunctional relationship. Now I have been STRICTLY FORBIDDEN from posting ANYTHING about this relationship and it's progress or demise by Reese. However I am considering whether or not to allow her to dictate the contents of my blog. I mean she ain't the boss of me! It seems SOOOO unfair that she gets to make high quality posts about me. I can write about myself. I can be cute and funny. I mean if I posted about myself I would have to change the title of the series, but I am sure I could come up with a good one. Just because I couldn't come up with a title for this blog doesn't mean I am not the right person to correctly explain my own relationship. I have ideas people! I can do this!
So I have decided to be very democratic about this and put it to a vote. All those who want me to write about the relationship can comment in this blog. I will tally the votes and act accordingly.
P.S. Let's not mention this to Reese if at all possible. She can be scary when she's mad.
So I have decided to be very democratic about this and put it to a vote. All those who want me to write about the relationship can comment in this blog. I will tally the votes and act accordingly.
P.S. Let's not mention this to Reese if at all possible. She can be scary when she's mad.
Wednesday, May 25, 2005
LOWER YOUR EXPECTATIONS!!!
I was chatting with my good friend Reese the Law Girl yesterday. Chatting is probably not a good word to use. She was telling me some minor detail of her life and I was laughing uproariously. This is usually how our conversations go, which is amazing considering we speak multiple times a day. Anyway sometime after my sides stopped hurting Reese made a very troubling statement. She was pleased that I had started a blog (even though at the time the only post I had was Does this thing Work?). Reese couldn't wait to read what I wrote and said "This is going to be sooooooo cool. I can't wait!"
I immediately realized that certain steps would need to be taken. For those of you who don't know Reese the Law Girl, she maintains a VERY funny blog called SOMETHING DIFFERENT. She constantly writes little articles about the most mundane things like her morning commute and turns it into an Oscar worthy Zen drama. Many people visit her blog who are also funny and maintain even funnier blogs of their own like Jerk from Jerk of all Trades whose blog is just great. From time to time when these people are extremely bored they may want to stop in at this blog. On the oft chance that anyone is EVER bored enough to read this thing I take a page from Reese and make the following disclaimer.
ATTENTION ALL POTENTIAL READERS: I am NOT funny. I will not make you laugh out loud. I probably won't even make you giggle. No one is going to be wondering what you are reading while you are checking out this blog. I doubt you will even crack a smile. If you are expecting vast amounts of humorous creative comments, STOP READING NOW or you will be sadly disappointed. I am not nearly as funny as Reese. I am not creative either. I couldn't even come up with a name for this blog without her. Come to think about it my display name is based off a series of articles about me that Reese wrote. My name is not Lisa or anything resembling Lisa. As stated in my blog description I am merely being a loser copycat by even creating this blog. I have no vast storage of original articles just waiting to spew forth in a wave of comic genius. The best you can hope for is a "huh. That was interesting" while reading this blog. And quite frankly even that will be a rarity. Come to think about it the more I write the more I wonder why I even started this blog. This stupid disclaimer took me fifteen minutes to write by it’s self. What am I going to do when I have to put actual posts up? People are already commenting and I haven't even written anything yet! I can't take this kind of pressure! So please people no comparisons. Expect very very little from this blog and you might (I emphasize the might) walk away happy. And if you are disappointed after reading this, well I told you to stop reading several lines ago. You have no one to blame but yourself!
I immediately realized that certain steps would need to be taken. For those of you who don't know Reese the Law Girl, she maintains a VERY funny blog called SOMETHING DIFFERENT. She constantly writes little articles about the most mundane things like her morning commute and turns it into an Oscar worthy Zen drama. Many people visit her blog who are also funny and maintain even funnier blogs of their own like Jerk from Jerk of all Trades whose blog is just great. From time to time when these people are extremely bored they may want to stop in at this blog. On the oft chance that anyone is EVER bored enough to read this thing I take a page from Reese and make the following disclaimer.
ATTENTION ALL POTENTIAL READERS: I am NOT funny. I will not make you laugh out loud. I probably won't even make you giggle. No one is going to be wondering what you are reading while you are checking out this blog. I doubt you will even crack a smile. If you are expecting vast amounts of humorous creative comments, STOP READING NOW or you will be sadly disappointed. I am not nearly as funny as Reese. I am not creative either. I couldn't even come up with a name for this blog without her. Come to think about it my display name is based off a series of articles about me that Reese wrote. My name is not Lisa or anything resembling Lisa. As stated in my blog description I am merely being a loser copycat by even creating this blog. I have no vast storage of original articles just waiting to spew forth in a wave of comic genius. The best you can hope for is a "huh. That was interesting" while reading this blog. And quite frankly even that will be a rarity. Come to think about it the more I write the more I wonder why I even started this blog. This stupid disclaimer took me fifteen minutes to write by it’s self. What am I going to do when I have to put actual posts up? People are already commenting and I haven't even written anything yet! I can't take this kind of pressure! So please people no comparisons. Expect very very little from this blog and you might (I emphasize the might) walk away happy. And if you are disappointed after reading this, well I told you to stop reading several lines ago. You have no one to blame but yourself!
Tuesday, May 24, 2005
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